this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
