Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
