she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
