Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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