Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
