Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
