I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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