Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
