i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
