Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
