My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize