do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
