I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
