TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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