Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
