weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
