Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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