Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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