But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
