Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
