i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
