We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
