You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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