Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
