3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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