Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
