John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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