College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Why is your signature on my underwear?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
