Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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