the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
