i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
