She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
she smelled like a LAN party
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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