My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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