Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize