im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
