K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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