return my video game
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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