And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
