She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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