the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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