i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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