we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
