Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
