Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
