just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
