hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
