he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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