so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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