so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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