I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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