Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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