Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
