bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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