please come you make the beer taste better
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
