he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
