Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I touched a dick in church today
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
