He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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