I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My penis needs a shock collar
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
