Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
