What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
