Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
