hotel room ftw
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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