just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
