Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
