I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
