so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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